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Song Lyrics


Below, in reverse chronological order, are the lyrics to every original song that John has written and commercially released - this includes every original Hayseed Dixie song, Kerosene Brothers song, and John Wheeler solo recorded song. All typed over a couple of bottles of Brunello di Montalcino in by the man himself. Accept no half-assed imitations on those supposed, so-called “lyrics” websites out there. Get it from the source.



Too Much Poop To Flush

(John Wheeler)

from the John Wheeler album “Difficult #2 Album” (2016)


There’s just too much poop to flush


You know everybody pees and everybody poops

But with 7 billion of us pooping that’s a lot of poop to scoop

It used to be recycling poop was something that the Earth could do
Ah but now we’re pooping out much more than She can chew


    And now there’s too much poop to flush

    All we are is what we do do

    There’s just too much poop to flush

    And there’s no place left to flush it to


There’s just too much poop too much poop to flush


Same story every time when there’s overpopulation

It leads to disease and mass starvation

And violent destruction so what’s left for you and me

We’re just like the fishes we’re swimming in our pee


    And now there’s too much poop to flush

    All we are is what we do do

    There’s just too much poop to flush

    And no there’s place left to flush it to


There’s just too much poop to flush


        It’s an inconvenient truth nobody want’s to say

        There’s just too many people in the world today

        There’s too many people and every day too many more

        What the world needs now is a plague and a war


    There’s too much poop to flush

    All we are is what we do do

    There’s just too much poop to flush

    And no there’s place left to flush it to



Insect Kingdom

(John Wheeler)

from the John Wheeler album “Difficult #2 Album” (2016)


When the temperatures rise and the oceans do too

There won’t be no me there won’t be no you

Only the strong will survive

There won’t be nothing around here left alive


    Just an insect kingdom

    Insect kingdom

    Insect kingdom yeah


When the glaciers melt and so do the trees

And antibiotics stop curing disease

Only the fit persevere

And there won’t be anything left around here


    Just an insect kingdom

    Insect kingdom

    Insect kingdom yeah


When the oceans erupt in waterspouts

You’ll forget all the crap that you’ve been bitching about

You won’t have time to cry

Every last living thing is gonna die


    Except the insect kingdom

    Insect kingdom

    Insect kingdom yeah



Doomsday Dance Parade

(John Wheeler)

from the John Wheeler album “Difficult #2 Album” (2016)


Last night the Revolution left us screaming for more

Hosing all the blood up off the dance floor

So open up the morgue open up the jail

Cause everybody’s free – they’re free to raise hell


    And it’s hey hey how you want to play

    Love is here to visit, hate is here to stay

    And it’s hey hey – take your last chance

    Cause everybody’s rocking at the Doomsday Dance


It’s a double down or nothing point of nothing returned

Ain’t nothing gained and ain’t nothing learned

We’ll cross that bridge once it’s already burned

Once we’re done way past it


    And it’s hey hey how you want to play

    Love is here to visit, hate is here to stay

    And it’s hey hey – take your last chance

    Cause everybody’s rocking at the Doomsday Dance


        Shot dead by the starting gun

        Tell the boy what he might have won


    And it’s hey hey how you want to play

    Love is here to visit, hate is here to stay

    And it’s hey hey – take your last chance

    Cause everybody’s rocking at the Doomsday Dance


So you blow the whole circuit but protect the fuse

You’ve got nothing but your soul to lose

And a beggar in heaven won’t never refuse

One chance to be a king in hell boys


    And it’s hey hey – how you wanna play

    Love is here to visit hate is here to stay

    And it’s hey hey – pomp and circumstance

    Cause everybody’s rocking at the Doomsday Dance



Just My Job

(John Wheeler)

from the John Wheeler album “Difficult #2 Album” (2016)


Well I grew up hard and I grew up mean

In a black and white world with nothing in between

Wrong or right, dead or alive

You do what you do or you don’t survive

You want to feel secure just leave it to me

I’m the man with the plan for security

I’ve got the supply that creates the demand

Hate’s just love that you don’t understand

Hate’s just love that you don’t understand


    And it’s crack crack crack hear the bullets crack

    Gas em’ in the front then shoot em’ in the back

    It’s just my job let me tell you son

    I’m just working for my pay till the working day is done

    Working for my pay till the working day is done


Between color and country religion and tribe

You can measure ‘em all by the size of the bribe

Line ‘em all up and toss me in the mix

Ain’t a problem in the world cold cash can’t fix

I’m selling prevention to be sure

But I make more money from a pound of cure

You tell yourself it’s just chance but I had it all planned

Hate’s just love that you don’t understand

Hate’s just love that you don’t understand


    And it’s crack crack crack hear the bullets crack

    Gas em’ in the front then shoot em’ in the back

    It’s just my job let me tell you son

    I’m just working for my pay till the working day is done

    Working for my pay till the working day is done


        If you want it you can have it too

        There’s no difference between me and you


So I’ve told you the truth like you want to hear

Shake hands with the devil and buy me a beer

If it bends your mind like a piece of glass

The next one son is aimed right at your ass

You can deal with the truth or it’ll deal with you

Say you don’t believe it well babe it’s still true

Believe it’s accidental but someone’s in command

Hate’s just love that you don’t understand

Hate’s just love that you don’t understand


    And it’s crack crack crack hear the bullets crack

    Gas em’ in the front then shoot em’ in the back

    It’s just my job let me tell you son

    I’m just working for my pay till the working day is done

    Working for my pay till the working day is done



Something I Don’t See

(John Wheeler)

from the John Wheeler album “Difficult #2 Album” (2016)


I was the 26th person in line

At the automated teller machine

I counted the smart phones, that’s how I know

I felt like the 26th letter in the alphabet

There at the end

With no place better to go


    And I wonder why you’re smiling at me

    You must have your eyes on something

    Something I don’t see

    Something I don’t see


I counted 26 “Jesus Saves” stickers

On the bumpers of imported cars

On the freeway on my way home

I flipped the radio on and felt a little like Nero

There at the end

Playing my fiddle to the falling of Rome


    And I wonder why you’re smiling at me

    You must have your eyes on something I don’t see

    And I wonder why you’re smiling at me

    You must have your eyes on something

    Something I don’t see

    Something I don’t see


I tossed the 26th empty whisky bottle

To the sidewalk in front of my house

Right there for God and all the neighbors to see

Just like the 26th letter in the alphabet

There at the end

With no place better to be


    And I wonder why you’re smiling at me

    You must have your eyes on something I don’t see

    And I wonder why you’re smiling at me

    You must have your eyes on something

    Something I don’t see



No Room For Doubt

(John Wheeler)

from the John Wheeler album “Difficult #2 Album” (2016)


Lord I know you’re the one for me

And there ain’t no room

There ain’t no room for doubt

Cause only you can set me free

And there ain’t no room

There ain’t no room for doubt


    We’re gonna show the world

    What love is all about

    Cause all I know is what I feel

    And what I feel is all that’s real

    And there ain’t no room no there ain’t no room for doubt

    No there ain’t no room for doubt


Well I don’t care what you may say

Cause there ain’t no room

There ain’t no room for doubt

I’ve made my mind up anyway

And there ain’t no room

There ain’t no room for doubt


    We’re gonna show the world

    What love is all about

    Cause all I know is what I feel

    And what I feel is all that’s real

    And there ain’t no room no there ain’t no room for doubt

    No there ain’t no room for doubt


Well my heart’s here upon my sleeve

And there ain’t no room

There ain’t no room for doubt

Cause I just see what I believe

And there ain’t no room

There ain’t no room for doubt


    We’re gonna show the world

    What love is all about

    Cause all I know is what I feel

    And what I feel is all that’s real

    And there ain’t no room no there ain’t no room for doubt

    No there ain’t no room for doubt



You Should Know By Now

(John Wheeler)

from the John Wheeler album “Difficult #2 Album” (2016)


You should know by now who you’re talking to

And you should know why I don’t believe you

I don’t know why you pretend to be serious

I don’t even have to say it - it’s obvious


    You should know by now

    That we’re all liars anyhow

    Why do you act like you’re above it

    You should know by now

    That we’re all liars anyhow

    So why do you act so angry when you know you love it


You should know by now your whole life’s just one big scam

And you should know why nobody gives a damn

I don’t know why you pretend to be my friend for life

I guess you’re just looking for a tender spot to stick the knife


    You should know by now

    That we’re all liars anyhow

    Why do you act like you’re above it

    You should know by now

    That we’re all liars anyhow

    So why do you act so angry when you know you love it


        You know and I know

        You’ve got nothing, you’ve got nothing legit

        You know and I know

        So why don’t you just spare me the bullshit


    You should know by now

    That we’re all liars anyhow

    Why do you act like you’re above it

    You should know by now

    That we’re all liars anyhow

    So why do you act so angry when you know you love it



Not Thinking About Anything

(John Wheeler)

from the John Wheeler album “Difficult #2 Album” (2016)


This morning I threw away the telephone

I shot eighteen holes in my brand new TV set

I’m another day older

But today is the day I’m gonna live with no regrets


    And right now I’m not thinking about anything that means much

    Right now I’m not thinking about anything


On the day that my first child was born by Caesarean section

My dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer

At six in the morning all I saw was lightning

All I heard was thunder coughing back an answer


    And right now I’m not thinking about anything that means much

    Right now I’m not thinking about anything


        So many people are just taking up space

        If you think you’ve got to breathe just get out of my face

        Cause right now I’m not thinking about anything


If I could pay just a little less attention

You know it might not seem so strange

How the more that I want things to stay the same

The more I just seem to realize how fast things change


    And right now I’m not thinking about anything that means much

    Right now I’m not thinking about anything


        So many people are just taking up space

        If you think you’ve got to breathe just get out of my face


    Cause right now I’m not thinking about anything that means much

    Right now I’m not thinking about anything


    Right now I’m not thinking about anything that means much

    Right now I’m not thinking about anything



Four People

(John Wheeler)

from the John Wheeler album “Difficult #2 Album” (2016)


Now I’m thinking of four people that I dearly love

And it’s just because of them I wish there was a God above

Because I can’t bear the thought of any of them dying

And it’s just because of them that I keep trying

To succeed


    And it’s my curse to offer up my love in silly rhymes

    When the only thing I’ve got that’s really worth a thing is time

    And these four people

    These four people are all I really need


And of this one thing there can be no denying

In a world of pure illusion there’s just one thing guaranteed


    Though I try to give them all my love in silly rhymes

    When the only thing I’ve got that’s really worth a thing is time

    And these four people

    These four people are all I really need



She Likes Bad Men

(John Wheeler)

from the John Wheeler album “Difficult #2 Album” (2016)


    Whatcha doin’ Son just standing ‘round and waiting

    She likes bad men ‘cause she’s always ovulating


Don’t waste your time thinking up a line

Just walk right up and say what’s on your mind

It don’t matter how you look, it just matters what you do

Because the chick digs jerks and tonight it could be you


    So whatcha doin’ Son just standing ‘round and waiting

    She likes bad men ‘cause she’s always ovulating


Tell her what you want, don’t tell her how you feel

Just talk about the car that you’re fixing to steal

Don’t you buy her a drink, that’ll make her think you’re nice

But if she thinks you’re a dick, boy, she won’t think twice


    So whatcha doin’ Son just standing ‘round and waiting

    She likes bad men ‘cause she’s always ovulating

    You’ve got the tools so start fascilitating

    She likes bad men ‘cause she’s always ovulating


        Well Cuz, you’re just a scuz but that’s OK because

        The less you care the more she does

        You’ve heard enough about sin, you want some that sticks

        There ain’t nothing wrong with her 100 dollars won’t fix


    So whatcha doin’ Son just standing ‘round and waiting

    She likes bad men ‘cause she’s always ovulating

    Whatcha doin’ Son just standing ‘round and waiting

    She likes bad men ‘cause she’s always ovulating



Down At the Exit

(John Wheeler)

from the John Wheeler album “Un-American Gothic” (2013)


Down at The Exit at the end of the world

In the glow of the neon lie the Ages impearled

Behind the bar on CNN the bullets are flying

But down at The Exit we ain’t thinking about dying


        And I say, “Hey baby don’t you give it away

        There’s plenty of men here ready to pay”


    And life’s just a way of watching some time go by

    Yeah Yeah Yeah

    And down at the exit nobody’s asking why


Down at the exit the tape’s on erase

She told me, “Let’s just skip the part about the chase

And get down to what we’re here for, lord knows the way’s been paved”

Down at the exit we don’t want to be saved


        And I say, “Hey baby don’t you give it away

        There’s plenty of men here ready to pay”


    And life’s just a way of watching some time go by

    Yeah Yeah Yeah

    And down at the exit nobody’s asking why

    Nobody’s asking


Oh she’s got that perfect body, yeah but don’t they all

Cause when all your dreams are re-runs don’t the world start looking small


        And I say, “Hey baby don’t you give it away

        There’s plenty of men here ready to pay”

        And I say, “Hey baby ain’t no love in your lover

        Cause there ain’t a man in here can tell one girl from another”


    And life’s just a way of watching some time go by

    Yeah Yeah Yeah

    Down at the exit nobody’s asking why

    Yeah nobody’s asking



Doomsday Dance

(John Wheeler)

from the John Wheeler album “Un-American Gothic” (2013)


Last night the Revolution left us screaming for more

Hosing all the blood up off the dance floor

So open up the morgue, open up the jail

Cause everybody’s free – they’re free to raise hell


    And it’s hear hear – the end is near

    There’s nothing left to lose so there’s nothing left to fear

    And it’s hey hey – take your last chance

    Cause everybody’s rocking at the Doomsday Dance


It’s a double down or nothing point of nothing returned

Ain’t nothing gained and ain’t nothing learned

We’ll cross that bridge once it’s already burned

Once we’re done way past it


    And it’s hear hear – the end is near

    There’s nothing left to lose so there’s nothing left to fear

    And it’s hey hey – take your last chance

    Cause everybody’s rocking at the Doomsday Dance


        Shot dead by the starting gun

        Tell the boy what he might have won


    And it’s hear hear – the end is near

    There’s nothing left to lose so there’s nothing left to fear

    And it’s hey hey – take your last chance

    Cause everybody’s rocking at the Doomsday Dance


Now you’re dressing up for killing in your cement shoes

You’ve got nothing but your soul to lose

And a beggar in heaven won’t never refuse

One chance to be a king in hell boys


    And it’s hear hear – the end is near

    There’s nothing left to lose so there’s nothing left to fear

    And it’s hey hey – pomp and circumstance

    Cause everybody’s rocking at the Doomsday Dance



Deeper In Debt

(John Wheeler)

from the John Wheeler album “Un-American Gothic” (2013)


Well the banker’s got plenty but I ain’t got any

And we just get deeper in debt

And I’m working like a slave but there’s nothing left to save

And we just get deeper in debt

    I said deeper in debt

    Well I’m skint yeah I’m skint

    Before I even make it man it’s already spent


You know I’d drive us to the bar but they repossessed my car

And we just get deeper in debt

Hell I’d call you for a loan but they just cut off my phone

And we just get deeper in debt

    I said deeper in debt

    Well it’s mean yeah it’s mean

    I’m feeling like a gear in a broken machine


Well the only way to get it is to put it on credit

And we just get deeper in debt

Yeah the principal’s renewing and the interest keeps accruing

And we just get deeper in debt

    I said deeper in debt

    Well I’m broke I’m flat broke

    I’d hang myself but I can’t afford a rope


They say the government can save us from the misery they gave us

And we just get deeper in debt

They tax the drinkers and the smokers and they give it to the brokers

And we just get deeper in debt

    I said deeper in debt

    Well I’m screwed I’m so screwed

    By the time I pay my tax bill there’s nothing left for food Lord


    I said deeper in debt

    Well it’s sick yeah it’s sick

    Can’t feed my family man I think I’ll start throwing bricks


Because the banker’s got plenty but I ain’t got any

And we just get deeper in debt

And I’m working like a slave but there’s nothing left to save

And we just get deeper in debt

    You know we just get deeper in debt   

    Man we just get deeper in debt



Little Houses In a Row

(John Wheeler)

from the John Wheeler album “Un-American Gothic” (2013)


The sun struggles up behind the smoky old mountain

The factory horn starts to blow

And all down the street the screen doors start to slam

On these little houses here in a row

On these little houses here in a row


Well I was born in these mountains and I guess I should love 'em

But Lord you don't want me to lie

Cause since I can remember, I’ve just been waiting

For a chance to tell this place goodbye

For a chance to tell this place goodbye


    It’s a winding road out of these mountains

    Sometimes the going gets slow

    When all you ever hear around this town is “never”

    They say, “Son you know you’ll never go

    Too far from these little houses here in a row”


        This town beats you down till you’re too weak to cry

        ’Till all of the fire is gone from your eyes

        Leaves you hoping for nothing but just to live til you die


You never can tell where a journey will end

I just know that mine has begun

If anyone asks where I’ve gone to, my friend

Tell ’em headed East into the sun

I’m headed East into the sun


    They say the road goes on forever

    It might take me that long, I don’t know

    But I’ll know what I’m looking to find when I find it

    Wherever that road leads I’ll go

    Far away from these little houses here in a row

    Far away from these little houses here in a row



Küss Mich Noch Einmal

(John Wheeler)

from the John Wheeler album “Un-American Gothic” (2013)


As soon as I get used to you babe

I won’t hear you when you shout

As soon as I get used to you babe

I won’t even notice when you turn the bedroom lights out


        But right now you’re new

        And every beat of my heart is true

        So don’t think it through

        How we’ll both feel in a year or two


    Alles wird gleich

    Alles wird mir egal (kiss me one more time)

    Alles wird gleich

    Küss mich noch einmal


As soon as I get used to you babe

There’ll be no smile that I can’t fake

As soon as I get used to you babe

I’ll never make a promise that I’m not prepared to break


        But right now you’re new

        And every beat of my heart is true

        So don’t think it through

        How we’ll both feel in a year or two


    Alles wird gleich

    Alles wird mir egal (kiss me one more time)

    Alles wird gleich

    Küss mich noch einmal


Right now in this moment all I want is you

So don’t let this moment disappear

Because there ain’t nothing baby nothing I won’t do

Just to hold you until you whisper in my ear


    Alles wird gleich

    Alles wird mir egal (kiss me one more time)

    Alles wird gleich

    Küss mich noch einmal



Like I Want You

(John Wheeler)

from the John Wheeler album “Un-American Gothic” (2013)


Well I know you think your body ain’t what it used to be

But believe me when I tell you it still looks perfect to me

And the girl you used to be could never move me like the woman you’ve become

Cause you’re my wife you’re my lover and you’re my children’s mom


        You know I work hard for us baby

        You know I work night and day

        And all I want is for you darling is just take me in your arms

        Take me in your arms


    Cause every night I could see you brand new

    If you just wanted me like I want you

    And there ain’t nothing baby ain’t nothing I wouldn’t do

    If you just wanted me like I want you

    If you just wanted me like I want you


When we’re lying in bed at the end of the night

You put down your magazine and you just turn out the light

And you tell me you’re just tired well baby how tired can you be

Cause all that I’m feeling is that you’re tired of me


        You know I work hard for us baby

        You know I work night and day

        And all I want is for you darling is just take me in your arms

        Take me in your arms


    Cause every night I could see you brand new

    If you just wanted me like I want you

    And there ain’t nothing baby ain’t nothing I wouldn’t do

    If you just wanted me like I want you

    If you just wanted me like I want you



Street Sweeper Lullaby

(John Wheeler)

from the John Wheeler album “Un-American Gothic” (2013)


That girl’s so young and pretty

But she won’t look at me

I’m way too old and ugly

As far as she can see

A pearl is still a pearl

By any other names

Sometimes I’d like to see that girl

Swallowed up in flames


    Cause every night I sweep the streets of this dirty old town

    Every night I fight myself not to come unwound

    One of these nights I’m gonna burn the whole street down


Walking past the church

I can hear the choir sing

Oh but all their words of love

Well they don’t really mean a thing

They say Jesus died to save me

I think Jesus was a liar

Cause sometimes I see him hanging there

Catching on fire


    Cause every night I sweep the streets of this dirty old town

    Every night I fight myself not to come unwound

    One of these nights I’m gonna burn the whole street down


Oh can’t you see it in my eyes

Oh there’s a flame that never dies

Cause every night every night I sweep these dirty streets clean

One of these nights Oh Lord I swear I’m gonna use some gasoline


    Cause every night I sweep the streets of this dirty old town

    Every night I fight myself not to come unwound

    One of these nights I’m gonna burn the whole street down



Wondering Why I Ever Go Home

(John Wheeler)

from the John Wheeler album “Un-American Gothic” (2013)


There’s a girl in Tennessee who tells me she loves me

But that’s easier said easier said than done

And one in Winterthur who tells me that she’s sure

I’m out here running, running just to be on the run


        Well she may be right but tonight I’m free

        And there’s a bottle of Brunello waiting for me


    Down the coast highway headed for Rome

    Underneath a sky of polished chrome

    Down the coast highway headed for Rome

    Wondering why I ever wondering why I ever go home


Sometimes I think of home after I leave it

After I can see it from a long long way away

Change is better than rest you’d better believe it

Cause every time I leave reminds me why I couldn’t stay


        And there’s a new beginning in every end

        The warm smell of possibility on the wind


    Down the coast highway headed for Rome

    Underneath a sky of polished chrome

    Down the coast highway headed for Rome

    Wondering why I ever wondering why I ever go home

    Yeah I’m wondering why I ever wondering why I ever go home


        I’ll take the next devil not the ones I know

        So you can cut that deck baby cut it high low


    Down the coast highway headed for Rome

    Underneath a sky of polished chrome

    Down the coast highway headed for Rome

    Wondering why I ever wondering why I ever go home

    Yeah I’m wondering why I ever wondering why I ever go home



Black Forest Skies

(John Wheeler)

from the John Wheeler album “Un-American Gothic” (2013)


Wherever I may wander wherever I may roam

Out on the sea the sirens call to me

But my Geist remembers its home


    And when I close my eyes

    Every night I see Black Forest skies

    No matter where my body lies

    Every night I sleep beneath Black Forest skies


The whole world round I’ve traveled on my Erfahrung quest

But come what may I know where I’ll stay

When I finally come to rest


    Because when I close my eyes

    Every night I see Black Forest skies

    No matter where my body lies

    Every night I sleep beneath Black Forest skies


        And I’m going back there

        To the smell of the Tannen filling up the air


    Wenn ich meine Augen schließe

    Jede Nacht sehe ich des Schwarzwald Himmel

    Egal wo ich liege

    Jede Nacht schlafe ich untern schönen Schwarzwald Himmel



Walk Between the Raindrops

(John Wheeler)

from the John Wheeler album “Un-American Gothic” (2013)


Well you can say I’ve got no feelings and that may be

But there ain’t no point in caring as far as I can see

I just walk between the raindrops

Well I may be cold but I never get wet

And I never loved a woman that I couldn’t forget


    I just walk between the raindrops

    Yeah I’ll walk between the raindrops

    Yeah I’m gonna soak it all in until my beating heart stops

    And I’ll walk between the raindrops


Well since I was a child it’s been clear to me

The more you get attached man the less you’re free

So I walk between the raindrops

And sometimes I’m up but I ain’t never down

Cause if things get too heavy that’s when leave town


    And I walk between the raindrops

    Yeah I’ll walk between the raindrops

    Yeah I’ll take what you’ve got until you tell me to stop

    And I’ll walk between the raindrops


Well maybe true love is out there somewhere

But till it hunts me down and kills me baby I don’t care

I just walk between the raindrops

So if you want to hold me better hold me tonight

Cause I’ll be packing up and rolling come the morning light


    And I walk between the raindrops

    Yeah I’ll walk between the raindrops

    You know I can’t sit still until my beating heart stops

    I’ll just walk between the raindrops

    Yeah I’ll walk between the raindrops

    Gonna live every step until the last shoe drops

    Yeah I walk between the raindrops



Everything I’ve Got Coming

(John Wheeler)

from the Hayseed Dixie album “Grasswhoopin’ Party Pack” (2013)


Well I never cared about anybody’s pain

If they cried to me they cried in vain

And I’m going down to get me everything I’ve got coming tonight

I’ve dealt in slaves I’ve dealt in guns

I’ve stole elections and pension funds

And I’m going down to get me everything I’ve got coming tonight


    I’m going down to get me everything I’ve got coming tonight

    I’m going down to get me everything I’ve got coming tonight

    Ain’t no salvation can ever find me

    When the gates of hell slam shut behind me

    I’m going down to get me everything I’ve got coming tonight


I’ve watched nations go to war

With the bombs and planes they bought from my store

And I’m going down to get me everything I’ve got coming tonight

I can hear their screaming ringing in my head

But when I shut my eyes they all drop dead

And I’m going down to get me everything I’ve got coming tonight


    I’m going down to get me everything I’ve got coming tonight

    I’m going down to get me everything I’ve got coming tonight

    Ain’t no salvation can ever find me

    When the gates of hell slam shut behind me

    I’m going down to get me everything I’ve got coming tonight


Life is cheap and freedom ain’t free

And Christ died for nothing if he died for me

Cause I’m going down to get me everything I’ve got coming tonight

I’ve got no regrets don’t get me wrong

This ain’t no redemption song

And I’m going down to get me everything I’ve got coming tonight


    I’m going down to get me everything I’ve got coming tonight

    I’m going down to get me everything I’ve got coming tonight

    Ain’t no salvation can ever find me

    When the gates of hell slam shut behind me

    I’m going down to get me everything I’ve got coming tonight



Maybe It’s Be Better

(John Wheeler and Robert Jetton)

from the Hayseed Dixie album “Grasswhoopin’ Party Pack” (2013)


You said we should get counseling, we needed professional help

So I went and got a pro, I pulled old Jim Beam off the shelf

One shot I was feeling better, two shots it began to unwind

It won’t take but a couple more of these to get me out of my mind


    I’ll take a drink over a shrink any day

    Cause my heart don’t want to hear what my mind’s got to say

    Maybe it’d be better

    Maybe it’d be better

    Maybe it’d be better

    If my mind just went away


Sometimes what you’re feeling is more true than what you think

And I feel more of what you’re thinking with every single drink

I could end this all tonight but I’d have hell to pay

So maybe it’d be better if my mind just went away


    I’ll take a drink over a shrink any day

    Cause my heart don’t want to hear what my mind’s got to say

    Maybe it’d be better

    Maybe it’d be better

    Maybe it’d be better

    If my mind just went away


        I’ve come to expect the worst

        It’s always worse than I expected

        If suffering’s an art

        Baby we’ve got it perfected


    Maybe it’d be better

    Maybe it’d be better

    Maybe it’d be better

    If my mind just went away

    Maybe it’d be better

    Maybe it’d be better

    Maybe it’d be better

    If my mind just went away



Reagan Leigh Cornett

(John Wheeler)

from the Hayseed Dixie album “Grasswhoopin’ Party Pack” (2013)


    Reagan Leigh Cornett Reagan Leigh Cornett

    I tell you she’s the best thing that any man could get

    I’ve been trying like hell to win her love

    But I ain’t done it yet

    Reagan Leigh Cornett


The first time that I met her we ate berries from a moonshine jar

But I guess she didn’t eat enough for me to get her in the back of my car

That’s been more than a year gone by but I still can’t forget

The finest girl in East Tennessee Miss Reagan Leigh Cornett


    Reagan Leigh Cornett Reagan Leigh Cornett

    I tell you she’s the best thing that any man could get

    I’ve been trying like hell to win her love

    But I ain’t done it yet

    Reagan Leigh Cornett


The last time that I saw her we shared some apple pie

Now if I can’t taste the rest of her believe I’d rather die

I know her man’s the jealous kind and it’ll either be him or me

Tonight a man’s gonna lose his life for the love of Reagan Leigh


    Reagan Leigh Cornett Reagan Leigh Cornett

    I tell you she’s the best thing that any man could get

    I’ve been trying like hell to win her love

    But I ain’t done it yet

    Reagan Leigh Cornett



One Way Ticket To Nowhere

(John Wheeler)

from the Hayseed Dixie album “Grasswhoopin’ Party Pack” (2013)


    I’m on my way I’m on my way

    You can meet me there I’ve got a one way ticket to nowhere


Got a .45 riding beside me 99 to life in the trunk

Got half the law in Tennessee looking for me so I might as well get drunk

So follow me if you can boys up the top of Kirby Hill

Where if my knife don’t take your life you can bet my shotgun will


        I heard you say someday I’ll pay cause I’m a wanted man

        Well I say say catch me if you can


    Cause I’m on my way I’m on my way

    You can meet me there I’ve got a one way ticket to nowhere


Out in the middle of nowhere that’s where I’m gonna be

Well I may not have much of nothing at all but at least I’ll know I’m free

Cause you’re all living dead in the cities chasing each other to hell

And everybody knows it’s all fixing to blow so let me just wish you well


        Across the Rubikon the point of no return   

        I’ll be sitting on a mountain in the middle of nowhere

        Watching your cities all burn


    Cause I’m on my way I’m on my way

    You can meet me there I’ve got a one way ticket to nowhere

    I’m on my way I’m on my way

    You can meet me there I’ve got a one way ticket to nowhere


        (On my way) you’ll never take me

        (On my way) you’ll never break me

        (On my way) you’ll never take me alive

        (On my way) you’ll never take me

        (On my way) you’ll never break me

        (On my way) nobody’s getting out alive


    I’m on my way I’m on my way

    You can meet me there I’ve got a one way ticket to nowhere



Love Cabin

(John Wheeler)

from the Hayseed Dixie album “Grasswhoopin’ Party Pack” (2013)


I’ve got a house down here in the valley

I’ve got a pretty wife her name is Sally

But I want you once just to see the look on your face

I’m gonna have to take you to my secret place


        At my love cabin up here on the hill

        You know my gun is loaded I can fire at will

        So we can drink one more of what you’re having

        Then I’m gonna take you up the mountain to my


    Love Cabin

    (I’ll get to know you in my) Love Cabin

    (I’m gonna show you my) Love Cabin

    Well you can make yourself at home baby


Nothing ventured baby nothing gained

Cause I’m a mad dog honey just breaking my chain

You look at me that way, it’s my heart you’re stabbing

Think I’m gonna have to take you up the mountain to my Love Cabin


        At my love cabin up here on the hill

        You know my gun is loaded I can fire at will

        So we can drink one more of what you’re having

        Then I’m gonna take you baby up the mountain to my


    Love Cabin

    (I’ll get to know you in my) Love Cabin

    (I’m gonna show you my) Love Cabin

    Well you wanna see it baby right here it is, yeah!


    Love Cabin

    (I’m gonna stroke you in my) Love Cabin

    (Might have to choke you in my) Love Cabin

    Ain’t no smoke without a fire fire fire raging fire in my

    Love Cabin (gotta keep your mouth shut about my)

    Love Cabin (I can stroke you in the butt in my)

    Love Cabin (once I get your throat cut

    I could kill you love you kill you

    love you kill you in my)

    Love Cabin

    I could kill you



Nicotine and Alcohol

(John Wheeler)

from the Hayseed Dixie album “Nicotine and Alcohol” (2012)


You’ve got me shaking yeah I’m shaking

Every time I think of you

You’ve got me shaking yeah I’m shaking

Cause thinking about you is all that I do

My body’s aching yeah I’m aching

I just want you back again

Because I never thought that it could hurt so bad

To give you up my friend


    Oh nicotine and alcohol

    I’m here to tell you all

    When you try to quit em’ they get mean alcohol and nicotine

    Alcohol and nicotine


You’ve got me hurting yeah I’m hurting

And I just can’t stand the pain

You got me hurting yeah I’m hurting

Hell I’m going right out of my brain

My head is reeling yeah I’m feeling

I just need you one more time

Cause I’m jumping out of my flesh you know

And I can’t find my mind


    Oh nicotine and alcohol

    I’m here to tell you all

    When you try to quit em’ they get mean

    Alcohol and nicotine

    Alcohol and nicotine


        Oh oh how can you hurt me so

        Oh oh how can you do it

        Oh oh how can you hurt me so

        Oh oh I’ll never get through it


    Nicotine and alcohol

    I’m here to tell you all

    When you try to quit em’ they get mean

    Alcohol and nicotine

    Alcohol and nicotine



Whiskey Ain’t As Risky

(John Wheeler and Robert Jetton)

from the Hayseed Dixie album “Nicotine and Alcohol” (2012)


It’s close to closing time here at the bar

And by the way you’re buying me drinks

I know the kind of woman that you are

This longing in my heart has got me thinking

But what’s left of my mind well it says keep on drinking


    Cause I could go home with you tonight

    You could teach me the meaning of the word delight

    But I know come the cold morning light

    That the whiskey she ain’t as risky

    No the whiskey ain’t as risky


I came in here with pure intentions

And me and old Jim Beam we don’t need your intervention

I’m not ready for the end of what you’re ready to start

And when the hangover leaves it won’t break my heart


    I could go home with you tonight

    You could teach me the meaning of the word delight

    But I know come the cold morning light

    That the whiskey she ain’t as risky

    No the whiskey ain’t as risky


        I’ve heard it said true love can set you free

        But the whiskey always works just fine for me


    Cause I could go home with you tonight

    You could teach me the meaning of the word delight

    But I know come the cold morning light

    That the whiskey she ain’t as risky

    No the whiskey ain’t as risky



Die Richtige Zeit Für Schwarzbier

(John Wheeler and Michael Griese)

from the Hayseed Dixie album “Nicotine and Alcohol” (2012)


    Jede Zeit ist die richtige Zeit für Schwarzbier

    Jede Zeit ist die richtige Zeit für Schwarzbier

    Leider

    Leider haben wir nicht noch mehr Schwarzbier


Heute haben wir ordentlich viel getrunken

Aber unser Schiff ist noch nicht gesunken

Doch leider

Leider haben wir nicht noch mehr Schwarzbier


    Aber jede Zeit ist die richtige Zeit für Schwarzbier

    Jede Zeit ist die richtige Zeit für Schwarzbier

    Leider

    Leider haben wir nicht noch mehr Schwarzbier


Ich kann diese trockene Kehle nicht länger ertragen

Ich kenn einen Markt, komm gib mir schnell deinen Wagen

Leider

Leider haben wir kein Geld für Schwarzbier


    Doch jede Zeit ist die richtige Zeit für Schwarzbier

    Jede Zeit ist die richtige Zeit für Schwarzbier

    Leider

    Leider haben wir nicht noch mehr Schwarzbier


Siehst du Thomas, er liegt auf dem Boden ohnmächtig

Vielleicht hat er Geld, dann nehmen wir es, ganz wichtig

Freu Dich

Freu Dich er hat zwanzig Euros für Schwarzbier


    Und damit ist jede Zeit die richtige Zeit für Schwarzbier

    Jede Zeit ist die richtige Zeit für Schwarzbier

    Leider

    Leider haben wir nicht noch mehr Schwarzbier



The Man With the Money

(John Wheeler)

from the Hayseed Dixie album “Nicotine and Alcohol” (2012)


Don’t want to talk about love, I want to talk about the power

The man with the money is the idol of the hour

He’s got no heart and he’s got no soul

But the man with the money’s got it all under control


    And no matter where you go you know he’s looking at you

    He’s keeping track of everything you do

    Freedom for the free, salvation for the saved

    The man with the money yeah he keeps us all enslaved


Don’t want to talk about love, I want to talk about corruption

The man with the money’s got us headed for destruction

He smiles in you face while he bleeds you dry

Yeah the man with the money ain’t nothing but a lie


    And no matter where you go you know he’s looking at you

    He’s keeping track of everything you do

    Freedom for the free, salvation for the saved

    The man with the money yeah he keeps us all enslaved


Don’t want to talk about love, I want to talk about rage

The man with the money’s got us locked up in his cage

Debt’s his prison and fear’s his guard

Yeah the man with the money runs the whole damn yard


    And no matter where you go you know he’s looking at you

    He’s keeping track of everything you do

    Freedom for the free, salvation for the saved

    The man with the money yeah he keeps us all enslaved



One More

(John Wheeler)

from the Hayseed Dixie album “Nicotine and Alcohol” (2012)


It would have been cheaper to keep her, that’s what I found out

When they told me how much it was gonna cost me after she threw me out

I’ve got a letter here from a lawyer that says I don’t own nothing no more

So I’m drinking, driving what used to be my car away from what used to be my front door


        The one thing that’s clear to me standing here

        With blood down the front of my shirt

        Another drink won’t make it no better

        But I don’t see how it can hurt


    One more that’s my sole desire

    Lord it lifts my spirits higher

    When they start to pour

    One more and curse the day I met her

    It won’t make things no better than they were before

    But it can’t get no worse now if I drink one more


She said if I didn’t quit drinking she was gonna throw me out

I said you and what army baby now here’s what I’m talking about

When I pulled out a bottle of whiskey she pulled out the shotgun

And brother when a woman draws a 12-gauge on you the only thing to do is run


        I’ll tell you more I didn’t let that front door

        Hit me in the ass

        Now all I’m thinking sitting here

        Staring at this empty glass


    Is one more that’s my sole desire

    Lord it lifts my spirits higher

    When they start to pour

    One more and curse the day I met her

    It won’t make things no better than they were before

    But it can’t get no worse now if I drink one more


        I’m telling you Man it’s in my plan

        To be the drunkest fool in town

        And if I get drunk enough

        I just might burn that house right down


    Is one more that’s my sole desire

    Lord it lifts my spirits higher

    When they start to pour

    One more and curse the day I met her

    It won’t make things no better than they were before

    But it can’t get no worse now if I drink one more



You Can Always Leave Town

(John Wheeler and Robert Jetton)

from the Hayseed Dixie album “Nicotine and Alcohol” (2012)


Sometimes times can get hard

When you’ve reached all the limits on your credit cards

And you just get in deeper each day

And you’re too broke to cover the debts you must pay


    You can always leave town

    And turn your whole world around

    When you’re wells have gone dry

    And your ships have all sunk

    And your bridges have all burned down

    You can always leave town


When the woman you see on the side

Confesses it all to your wife

When the fur starts to fly and the tears start to fall

And the blood’s about to be spilled

You’d better get out before you get killed


    You can always leave town

    And turn your whole world around

    When you’re wells have gone dry

    And your ships have all sunk

    And your bridges have all burned down

    You can always leave town


        When there ain’t no denying

        There’s no use in trying

        And life has become one big mess

        When you can’t change it

        And you can’t rearrange it

        You can always changed your address


    You can always leave town

    And turn your whole world around

    When you’re wells have gone dry

    And your ships have all sunk

    And your bridges have all burned down

    You can always leave town



Elm Street Rock Cafe

(John Wheeler)

from the Hayseed Dixie album “Sgt. Munchs Drikkeklubb Band” (2011)


Go go go across the mountains in the snow

It’s 500 miles till we’re back in Oslo hey


Well we started in Stavanger, I’m surprised we’re still alive

Cause we drank so much at Folken that no one was fit to drive

Still I rode my bike to Bergen through the sleet and snow and rain

But the girl there at Garage was what completely wrecked my brain

Push it to the red

We’ll sleep when we’re dead


    And it’s go go go across the mountains in the snow

    It’s 500 miles till we’re back in Oslo

    And it’s hey hey hey get the hell out of my way

    I’ll meet you at the bar in the Elm Street Rock Café


Last night up in Tromsø drunk as we could be

The sun stayed out all night and just to spite it so did we

At the bar at Blå Rock I lost all sense and fear

Cause a girl named Marianne bought me 15 pints of beer

Smiling sweet as sin

She said to come again


    And it’s go go go across the mountains in the snow

    It’s 500 miles till we’re back in Oslo

    And it’s hey hey hey got one more show to play

    Then I’ll meet you at the bar in the Elm Street Rock Café


From Trondheim down to Sogndal, Husnes to Kvinesdal

The beers, fjords and women, Lord you know I’ve loved them all

Written in my soul just like an old familiar song

No matter where I go I know there’s one place I belong


    Yeah it’s go go go across the mountains in the snow

    It’s 500 miles till we’re back in Oslo

    And it’s hey hey hey I’m coming back to stay

    I’ll meet you at the bar in the Elm Street Rock Café



Dagen Derpå

(John Wheeler og Kjell Himsett)

from the Hayseed Dixie album “Sgt. Munchs Drikkeklubb Band” (2011)


    Dagen derpå

    Dagen derpå

    Dagen derpå

    Dagen derpå kommer aldri

    Hvis du alltid reparerer


I går var jeg og Espen på fylla på byen

Og da vi møttes i dag var han litt av et syn

Han var klein

Og jeg var fin

Hadde han drukket mer enn meg i går?

Jeg smilte og jekket meg nok en øl

Og svarte nei

Du tar feil


    Dagen derpå

    Dagen derpå

    Dagen derpå

    Dagen derpå kommer aldri

    Hvis du alltid reparerer


Jeg trenger ikke å sove

Jeg trenger ikke å spise

Jeg trenger ikke å tenke

Jeg trenger bare mer å drikke


    Dagen derpå

    Dagen derpå

    Dagen derpå

    Dagen derpå kommer aldri

    Hvis du alltid reparerer



Tolerance

(John Wheeler)

from the Hayseed Dixie album “Killer Grass” (2010)


Drinking beer ain’t fun like it used to be

I just can’t get drunk anymore

I think I’m gonna stop for a year and not a drink a thing

So I can get good and drunk like I did before


    Tolerance

    People say we need tolerance

    I wish I could give ‘em some of mine

    Cause I’ve worked hard to build it up but now it’s got me down

    Tolerance keeps me from feeling fine

    Lord Lord, I’m just tolerating misery all the time


Smoking pot ain’t fun like it used to be

I just can’t get high anymore

I think I’m gonna stop for a year and not smoke a thing

So I can get really high like I did before


    Tolerance

    People say we need tolerance

    I wish I could give ‘em some of mine

    Cause I’ve worked hard to build it up but now it’s got me down

    Tolerance keeps me from feeling fine

    Lord Lord, I’m just tolerating misery all the time


Loving you ain’t fun like it used to be

I just can’t get excited anymore

I’m think I’m gonna leave you babe and go wandering

Find me a girl to turn me on once more


    Tolerance

    People say we need tolerance

    I wish I could give ‘em some of mine

    Cause I’ve worked hard to build it up but now it’s got me down

    Tolerance keeps me from feeling fine

    Lord Lord, I’m just tolerating misery all the time



Alien Abduction Probe

(John Wheeler & Lonnie Flemmer)

from the Hayseed Dixie album “Killer Grass” (2010)


I saw the light, they returned last night

Unanswered questions torture me

How they unlocked the door and why is my rectum sore

And why do I twitch when I watch ET


    Alien abduction probe happens all over the globe

    They came to scratch their itch and left me crying in a ditch

    It’s all so cruel and cold

    They put my life on hold

    This crap is getting old

    Alien abduction probe


They stuck a microchip in the hole between my hips

Such a gross indignity

Involuntary cornhole-ation courtesy of the Alien Nation

Why do they always pick on me


    Alien abduction probe happens all over the globe

    They came to scratch their itch and left me crying in a ditch

    It’s all so cruel and cold

    They put my life on hold

    This crap is getting old

    Alien abduction probe


Late at night I wait alone, staring up at the twilight zone

With a sawed off shotgun in my hand

Drinking cheap wine getting plastered, waiting for those grey green bastards

It’s the only way I can make them understand


    Alien abduction probe happens all over the globe

    They came to scratch their itch and left me crying in a ditch

    It’s all so cruel and cold

    They put my life on hold

    This crap is getting old

    Alien abduction probe



In the Backyard

(John Wheeler)

from the Hayseed Dixie album “Killer Grass” (2010)


    Well he’s laying in the backyard laying in the backyard

    Laying in the backyard bullet in his head

    He’s laying in the backyard laying in the backyard

    Laying in the backyard I reckon that he’s dead


Big Jim he’d drink enough whiskey to float a bass boat into town

And when he’d get to drinking that way he liked to smack his Susie around

But late last Friday night I guess she couldn’t take no more

When the cops came round to investigate the sound she just pointed out the back door (and said)


    Well he’s laying in the backyard laying in the backyard

    Laying in the backyard bullet in his head

    He’s laying in the backyard laying in the backyard

    Laying in the backyard I reckon that he’s dead


When the police asked her what happened Susie said she didn’t have a clue

She said he’d took his pistol out to give it a clean and that’s all she knew

And she cried tears that were so sincere till she was out of breath

While the chief detective was writing in his note pad “accidental death”


    Well he’s laying in the backyard laying in the backyard

    Laying in the backyard bullet in his head

    He’s laying in the backyard laying in the backyard

    Laying in the backyard I reckon that he’s dead


Well if you like to smack you woman you’d better heed these words my son

Cause there’s a whole lot of women these days getting pretty good with a gun

You might think you’ve got her under control you just might be surprised

When your pretty little woman puts a .45 hole right between your eyes


    Well he’s laying in the backyard laying in the backyard

    Laying in the backyard bullet in his head

    He’s laying in the backyard laying in the backyard

    Laying in the backyard I reckon that he’s dead



Norfolk Girl

(John Wheeler)

from the Hayseed Dixie album “Killer Grass” (2010)


    Hey there Norfolk girl

    Don’t you want to come with me come with me back to Tennessee

    Hey there Norfolk girl

    Don’t you want to come with me come with me back to Tennessee

    You tell me I’m the one

    Until the morning sun yeah

    Hey there Norfolk girl

    Don’t you want to come with me come with me back to Tennessee

I’ve been around, hell I’ve seen this world through

But I’ve never seen me a woman like you

Cinnamon hair eyes of emerald green

Bitter and sweet and everything in between yeah


    Hey there Norfolk girl

    Don’t you want to come with me come with me back to Tennessee

    Hey there Norfolk girl

    Don’t you want to come with me come with me back to Tennessee

    You tell me I’m the one

    Until the morning sun yeah

    Hey there Norfolk girl

    Don’t you want to come with me come with me back to Tennessee


You ain’t no child, yeah you’ve seen a few men

You see them once never see them again

Early this morning I’ll be leaving too

But I don’t believe I can leave without you now


    Hey there Norfolk girl

    Don’t you want to come with me come with me back to Tennessee

    Hey there Norfolk girl

    Don’t you want to come with me come with me back to Tennessee

    You tell me I’m the one

    Until the morning sun yeah

    Hey there Norfolk girl

    Don’t you want to come with me come with me back to Tennessee



She’s Just My Type

(John Wheeler)

from the Hayseed Dixie album “Killer Grass” (2010)


She’s unproductive and destructive

Too bad she’s so seductive

She’s just my type, she’s just my type


She hates cleaning she hates cooking

Too bad she’s so good looking

She’s just my type, she’s just my type


She’s mean she’s unclean

But man the way she fills those jeans

She’s just my type, she’s just my type


She always tells me lies runs around with other guys

But when I get myself up in her thighs

She’s just my type, she’s just my type


    Maybe I should listen when my friends say she’s a witch

    Maybe it should piss me off she’s such a total bitch


She’s just my type, she’s just my type

She’s just my type, she’s just my type


She’s vicious unambitious

Too bad she’s so delicious

She’s just my type, she’s just my type


She’s a total slob she’s got no job

But man the way she gives a (radio edit)

She’s just my type, she’s just my type


    Maybe it should make me mad she hurts me with such verve

    But maybe she’s the kind of girl a jerk like me deserves - yeah


She’s just my type, she’s just my type

She’s just my type, she’s just my type



Underneath the Bed

(John Wheeler)

from the Hayseed Dixie album “Killer Grass” (2010)


    Who put that condom in my shoe

    Underneath the bed

    If I find out you’ve been untrue

    You know we’ll both soon be dead

    So baby tell me true

    Who put that condom in my shoe

    Underneath the bed


Well I know you keep on telling me that everything is fine

And I know you promised me baby you’d never cross that line

You know how violent I can get when faced with rejection

But it might make me feel better if I knew you used protection


    Who put that condom in my shoe

    Underneath the bed

    If I find out you’ve been untrue

    You know we’ll both soon be dead

    So baby tell me true

    Who put that condom in my shoe

    Underneath the bed


There’s just one thing baby that I don’t understand

I know that it ain’t mine cause Durex Close Fit ain’t my brand

Don’t ask me how I know it’s used let’s just say I do

I know the what the where the how now won’t you tell me who


    Who put that condom in my shoe

    Underneath the bed

    If I find out you’ve been untrue

    You know we’ll both soon be dead

    So baby tell me true

    Who put that condom in my shoe

    Underneath the bed



Cult Band

(John Wheeler)

from the Hayseed Dixie album “Killer Grass” (2010)


Well we’re doing it our way and hitting the highway

Hauling our own gear and playing for free beer

Once in a while we get paid

And when the biker chicks are drunk sometimes the soundman gets laid


    Cause we’re playing in a cult band

    Yeah we’re playing in a cult band

    That’s how we know we’re cool man

    Cause you’re listening to what we’re playing for you

    And all the uncool people man they don’t have a clue

    Like we do

    Cause we’re playing in a cult band


Whatever I’m thinking I might as well say it

Cause the mainstream radio ain’t never gonna play it

When’s the last time you heard a banjo

On the radio (the last time they played us)


    You were listening to a cult band

    Yeah listening to a cult band

    That’s how you know you’re cool man

    It’s just a chosen few who like the music you do

    And the mainstream people man they don’t have a clue

    But you do

    Cause you’re listening to a cult band


If you can’t do it you ought to review it

If you can’t realize it just criticize it

Cause if you really had something interesting to say

You’d be making records I might want to play


    And you’d be playing in a cult band

    Yeah you’d be playing in a cult band

    And you’d know that you were cool man

    You’d be a player too and we’d be listening to you

    And the crowd at your show would all be in the know

    Like ours are

    Playing in a cult band

    Playing in a cult band



Bouncing Betty Boogie

(John Wheeler)

from the Hayseed Dixie album “No Covers” (2008)


    Hey there Betty come and bounce with me

    Bounce right here upon my knee

    Come on, Betty, up off of the ground

    Bouncing Betty baby get down

    Cause you were built for the killing and I’m more than willing tonight


Bouncing Betty baby won’t you blow my mind

Right out of my skull honey it’s OK

Rip my heart baby blow me apart

Let the paramedics take me away

Well, you can’t intimidate me so you best annihilate me

Come on come on come on come one


    Hey there Betty come and bounce with me

    Bounce right here upon my knee

    Come on, Betty, up off of the ground

    Bouncing Betty baby get down

    Cause you were built for the killing and I’m more than willing tonight


Bouncing Betty baby won’t you come real near

Don’t hide honey now don’t be pensive

Have no fear baby hold me dear

Cause you look so expensive

But you’ve been making lots of money for the ones that love you honey

Come on come on come on come on


    Hey there Betty come and bounce with me

    Bounce right here upon my knee

    Come on, Betty, up off of the ground

    Bouncing Betty baby get down

    Cause you were built for the killing and I’m more than willing tonight


        You can’t intimidate me so you best annihilate me

        You can’t intimidate me so you best annihilate me

        You can’t intimidate me so you best annihilate me

        Come on come on come on come on


Bouncing Betty baby out here in the jungle

Bouncing Betty rock and roll

I hear the detonator and I feel the rumble

Deep down in my soul

Love is war and I want more

Come on come on come on come on


    Hey there Betty come and bounce with me

    Bounce right here upon my knee

    Come on, Betty, up off of the ground

    Bouncing Betty baby get down

    Cause you were built for the killing and I’m more than willing tonight

    Lordy Mama, you were built for the killing and I’m more than willing tonight



Set Myself On Fire

(John Wheeler & Eric Watkins)

from the Hayseed Dixie album “No Covers” (2008)


I’m gonna set myself on fire, set myself on fire

I’m gonna get your attention, you’re gonna notice me


I’m gonna show you what love is, I’m gonna show you what real true love is

I’m gonna show you what love is, baby, cause love’s a raging fire


        And martyrdom is what true love’s all about

        So if you think that you could love me baby please put me out

        Of my misery

        Can’t you see love burning me


    Oh I’ll set myself on fire (set myself on fire)

    Set myself on fire (set myself on fire)

    Watch the flames climb higher oooh that smell


And I don’t care what my friends say, you’ll be so perfect for me

And I don’t care what your friends say, they’re the one’s who are crazy


        And martyrdom is what true love’s all about

        So if you think that you could love me baby please put me out

        Of my misery

        Can’t you see love burning me


    Set myself on fire

    Ooh ooh ooh set myself on fire


If I may make a suggestion, just pay careful attention

It starts off cute with a lighter but ends up with me and a shotgun

And you crying and me crying

On the news crying, “Don’t you want me, baby?!”


        And martyrdom is what true love’s all about

        So if you think that you could love me baby please put me out

        Of my misery

        Can’t you see love burning me


    And so I’ll set myself on fire (set myself on fire)

    Set myself on fire (set myself on fire)



When Washington Comes Around

(John Wheeler)

from the Hayseed Dixie album “No Covers” (2008)


When Washington comes around

He says, “Man, we’re gonna party tonight

Gonna roll, gonna rock, gonna level the block

Because nobody’s putting up a fight!”

When Washington comes around

He let’s you know who you’re really working for

But long as I get paid, long as I get laid

I’m gonna keep coming back for more


    Cause I don’t think I care

    As long as I can still get my share

    When Washington comes around


When Washington comes around

Sometimes he don’t even knock no more

He just helps himself to the beer in the fridge

And leaves the empty bottles laying on the floor

When Washington comes around

He says, “Times are changing back again!”

Says he remembers a day when everything was OK

Before it all went to hell in a sea of sin


    And I don’t think I care

    As long as I can still get my share

    When Washington comes around


When Washington comes around

He says, “Everything is going our way!”

If I can just overlook all the cash his friends took

Then everything will be OK

When Washington comes around

He says, “It’s time for us to sacrifice!”

If I could just forget that he’s placing a bet

It won’t matter to me he’s throwing loaded dice



Born To Die In France

(John Wheeler)

from the Hayseed Dixie album “No Covers” (2008)


Great Grandaddy died back in the First World War

Other people’s money is what he was fighting for

Now the taxman’s still got both his hands deep down my pants

Maybe I was born to die in France


I’ve done rode my motorbike across most of France today

And I could make it to the Swiss border if the strikers get out of my way

But it’s raining glass and the sun’s gone black so Death’s still got a chance

Maybe I was born to die in France


    They won’t speak my language

    They don’t like my kind

    I couldn’t feel more out of place

    I couldn’t be more out of my mind

    But I’ve watched my whole life flash before my eyes like an angry glance

    Maybe I was born to die in France


I’m thinking all these governments do is check my passport at their door

And all the do full stop is guard the rich folks from the poor

The Age of Reason’s bought and paid for the Age of Consumers in a Trance

Hell maybe I was born to die in France


    They won’t speak my language

    They don’t like my kind

    I couldn’t feel more out of place

    I couldn’t be more out of my mind

    But I’ve watched my whole life flash before my eyes like an angry glance

    Maybe I was born to die in France


    Sometimes I can forgive the Truth

    Other times I lie

    I’ve never been afraid to live

    And man - I ain’t afraid to die

    Tonight I’m pulling the throttle full and just leave it up to chance

    Cause maybe I was born to die in France

    Yeah maybe I was born to die in France


Stephanie Come To Me Secretly

(John Wheeler)

from the Hayseed Dixie album “No Covers” (2008)


    Stephanie come to me secretly

    We both know what this love is all about

    Stephanie come to me secretly

    We both know we can’t let them find out

    Oh Stephanie come to me secretly


In the morning drinking coffee, through the blinds

I see you working in your yard

And the flowers that you’ve planted there have grown

Just like the feelings in our hearts

And Lord, your man’s got money, but like his love

He keeps it too close to his chest

So give him what you have to but for me

I know you always save your best


    Stephanie come to me secretly

    We both know what this love is all about

    Stephanie come to me secretly

    We both know we can’t let them find out

    Oh Stephanie come to me secretly


In the evening when I get home from work

You see her kiss me at the door

And I feel you when you hold him late at night

And we both complete the chore

If I’d met you on some journey in some other life

We know what might have been

So you go through the motions and I’ll go through the motions

And dream until you’re in my arms again


    Stephanie come to me secretly

    We both know what this love is all about

    Stephanie come to me secretly

    We both know we can’t let them find out

    Oh Stephanie come to me secretly



Everybody Knows

(John Wheeler & Eric Watkins)

from the Hayseed Dixie album “No Covers” (2008)


    Everybody knows that they could

    Everybody knows that they could

    Everybody knows that they could

    Be the man with the gun in their hand


I know you’ve dreamed about it doesn’t matter what you say

You’re just a violent little monkey cause it’s written in your DNA

It’s natural selection and there are plenty of us anyway

And most of us don’t act upon these feelings at the end of the day


        It’s a beautiful day

        And I’d never kill nobody that’s what you say


    But everybody knows that they could

    Everybody knows that they could

    Everybody knows that they could

    Be the man with the gun in their hand


Your best friend and your girlfriend and you love them both a lot

But when you walked in on them naked they deserved just what they got

People act like it’s surprising but actually it’s not

It’s just primal mate protection that made you fire the shots today


        It’s a beautiful day

        And natural selection wouldn’t have it any other way


    Everybody knows that they could

    Everybody knows that they could

    Everybody knows that they could

    Be the man with the gun in their hand

    Be the man with the gun in their hand


        The coroner, the congressman, the minister, the pope

        The cop who busted you when you were only smoking dope

        The lawyer who couldn’t get you off for only smoking dope

        The judge who gave you too much time for only smoking dope

        All have someone that they’d like to hang up from a rope

        And every single one of them has got their own list too


        Yes they do

        And every one of those lists just might include you


    Cause everybody knows that they could

    Everybody knows that they could

    Everybody knows that they could

    Be the man with the gun in their hand


    Be the man with the gun in their hand

    Be the man with the gun in their hand

    Be the man with the gun in their hand

    Be the man with the gun in their hand



Gonna Be Alright

(John Wheeler & Eric Watkins)

from the Hayseed Dixie album “No Covers” (2008)


    Oh - It’s gonna be alright gonna be alright oh yeah it’s gonna be alright

    So hold on baby hold on tight oh yeah it’s gonna be alright


Well there was no one else around

Just you going in circles on your merry go round

Well I was glad to find you, walked up behind you and put my arms around

And said, “Little darling please don’t make a sound


Well if you’ve ever wondered it before

We’re gonna find out if your daddy loves you or money more

So keep your mouth shut and get your spoiled butt down on the floorboard

Or the last thing that you’ll see is this car door


    Oh - It’s gonna be alright gonna be alright oh yeah it’s gonna be alright

    So hold on baby hold on tight oh yeah it’s gonna be alright”


        Well I’d like to say I had a greater motivation than getting paid

        But if I said that I’d be lying

        And we’re all beginners when it comes time for dying

        But just rest your mind easy - we’ll all die anyway


You seem like a cool little kid

And I’m sorry things didn’t work out any better than they did

But I’m afraid that I didn’t get paid and now I’ve got to get you hid

So just think happy thoughts underneath this here trunk lid


This is the part that I despise

Though it’s peaceful in the woods with not a soul around alive

This here son is my favorite gun, a stainless .45

So just sing this song and you’d better close your eyes


    Oh - It’s gonna be alright gonna be alright oh yeah it’s gonna be alright

    So hold on baby hold on tight oh yeah it’s gonna be alright

    Oh yeah it’s gonna be alright



You’ve Got Me All Wrong Baby

(John Wheeler)

from the Hayseed Dixie album “No Covers” (2008)


    You’ve got me all wrong baby you’ve got me all wrong baby

    You’ve got me all wrong baby you’ve got me all wrong baby


You’ve got me all wrong, you think I want to be good

You’re thinking that I really want to be understood

You’ve got me all wrong baby, you’ve got me all wrong baby

You’ve got me all wrong, you think I care what you do

You think that deep down I really care about you

You’ve got me all wrong baby, you’ve got me all wrong baby


    You think deep down I’m really sensitive and kind

    You think if you dig deep enough that’s what you’ll find

    You’ve got me all wrong baby, you’ve got me all wrong baby


You’ve got me all wrong, you think I care how you feel

You think I’ve got feelings that I have to conceal

You’ve got me all wrong baby, you’ve got me all wrong baby

You’ve got me wrong thinking I don’t say what I mean

You think I’ve got lines you can read in between

You’ve got me all wrong baby, you’ve got me all wrong baby


    You think that underneath I’m not so cruel and strange

    You think deep down there lies a man who wants to change

    You’ve got me all wrong baby, you’ve got me all wrong baby


You’ve got me all wrong, you think you know what I think

You thing I’d rather be with you than sit here and drink

You’ve got me all wrong baby, you’ve got me all wrong baby


You think inside me there’s a man who just needs love

I’ve just got demons you can help me rise above

You’ve got me all wrong baby, you’ve got me all wrong baby



Trickle Down

(John Wheeler)

from the Hayseed Dixie album “No Covers” (2008)


    I know what you think of me drowning in your economy

    I know what you think of me I feel it trickle down

    I know what you think of me drowning in your economy

    I know what you think of me I feel it trickle down


Well you talked to Milton Friedman and he turned you on to Hayek

Convinced you Maynard Keynes had a deeply seated defect

It’s hard to keep the money if the money gets spread around

Gotta hold on to that dollar gotta hold on to that pound

Gotta keep it all together gotta keep the group close knit

Whatever you negotiate is what you’re gonna get


    I know what you think of me drowning in your economy

    I know what you think of me I feel it trickle down

    I know what you think of me drowning in your economy

    I know what you think of me I feel it trickle down


It’s harder being poor once you’ve met the really rich folks

It’s harder just to laugh when you live the pain of their jokes

It’s harder to accept the class that you were born to

Outside the window it’s hard not to throw a brick through

Gotta get together gotta keep the group close knit

Whatever you negotiate is what you’re gonna get


    I know what you think of me drowning in your economy

    I know what you think of me I feel it trickle down

    I know what you think of me golden shower economy

    I know what you think of me I feel it trickle down


    I know what you think of me drowning in your economy

    I know what you think of me I feel it trickle down

    I know what you think of me bathing in your golden pee

    I know what you think of me I feel it trickle down


    Drop by drop you’re telling me I feel it trickle down



Last Days Coming

(John Wheeler)

from the Hayseed Dixie album “No Covers” (2008)


It sounds so passe when I hear you say

The end of the world is real soon coming

You sound so convinced that you’re making good sense

When all I can see is a new day dawning


This planet is old, it’s been hot it’s been cold

And everything in between some time before us

And while we may kill each other at will

The universe continues to completely ignore us


But who knows baby maybe I’m wrong

So we better make the most of it before we’re gone


    Cause everybody sees the last days coming

    I just want to see your body next to mine

    Everybody sees the last days coming

    Well we’ve still got tonight so honey don’t waste time

    Don’t waste time

    Dontcha dontcha dontcha dontcha don’t waste time


You say you don’t see how I can be

So nonchalant when the sky is clearly falling

When you look in my eyes and put your hands on my thighs

I sure hear the sound of Mother Nature calling


Long before we met events in motion were set

And there ain’t nothing we can do to change their direction

But this biology between you and me

Tells me we should do our part for natural selection


If the end’s really near then one thing is clear

We’d better do what we can do while we’re still here


    Cause everybody sees the last days coming  

    I just want to see your body next to mine

    Everybody sees the last days coming

    We’ve still got tonight so honey don’t waste time

    Don’t waste time

    Dontcha dontcha dontcha dontcha don’t waste time



Frustration

(John Wheeler)

from the Hayseed Dixie album “No Covers” (2008)


    Frustration frustration it’s building up down deep inside

    Frustration frustration it’s getting kind of hard to hide my

    Frustration frustration it’s building up down deep inside

    Frustration frustration it’s getting kind of hard to hide my

    Frustration


Every time I look at you I’m afraid of what I might do

I don’t want to think what I’m feeling tonight

It’s been building up for oh so long, now everything you say just hits me wrong

So if you want to live you’d better get out of my sight


        Reaching the point of overload

        Like the clicking of the wheels in the cracks in the road

        Any damn second I’m gonna explode


    Frustration frustration it’s building up down deep inside

    Frustration frustration it’s getting kind of hard to hide my

    Frustration frustration it’s building up down deep inside

    Frustration frustration it’s getting kind of hard to hide my

    Frustration


Every time I hear your voice I get the feeling that I’ve got no choice

But to rip your fucking tongue right out of your head

I feel the blood beating behind my eyes and the pressure and the temperature pump and rise

I swear you say one more word and you’re gonna be dead


        Reaching the point of overload

        Like the clicking of the wheels in the cracks in the road

        Any damn second I’m gonna explode


    Frustration frustration it’s boiling over down deep inside

    Frustration frustration it’s getting kind of hard to hide my

    Frustration frustration it’s boiling over down deep inside

    Frustration frustration it’s getting kind of hard to hide my

    Frustration



That’s It, I Quit

(John Wheeler & Leeson O’Keefe)

from the Hayseed Dixie album “No Covers” (2008)


    That’s it I quit I ain’t doing this shit no more

    That’s it I quit I’m done with being your whore

    That’s it I quit I’m busting out of this cell

    That’s it I quit you can all go straight to hell


You’re thinking I’m dumb sitting under your thumb

Following your rule

Making you money bet you think I’m funny

Bet you think I’m a goddamned fool
But I’ve faced your fear and I’m seeing it clear

I know what I’m gonna do

You can’t make no dough without me no

So I’m thinking that the fool is you


    That’s it I quit I ain’t doing this shit no more

    That’s it I quit I’m done with being your whore

    That’s it I quit I’m busting out of this cell

    That’s it I quit you can all go straight to hell


I’ve been feeling like a chump busting my hump

Watching you sit on your ass

Sitting on your throne like a kidney stone

That you’re thinking I can’t pass

I can see when you look at me

You think I ain’t too bright

But this world has turned and your world’s gonna burn

When us workers of the world unite


    That’s it I quit I ain’t doing this shit no more

    That’s it I quit I’m done with being your whore

    That’s it I quit I’m busting out of this cell

    That’s it I quit you can all go straight to hell



She Was Skinny When I Met Her

(John Wheeler & Zack Lyle)

from the Hayseed Dixie album “Weapons of Grass Destruction” (2007)


    She was skinny when I met her

    I used to buy her lingerie but now I wish she’d wear a sweater

    And all I do is work all day so I can get her more food

    Well, she eats me out of house and home

    I used to like to love her, now I leave her alone

    She’s up to 300 pounds or better

    But she was skinny when I met her

  

She likes chocolate cake, she likes t-bone steak

And now the bathroom scale is about to break

She used to be petite but now she can’t see her feet

And all she does is lay around the house and eat


    But she was skinny when I met her

    I used to buy her lingerie but now I wish she’d wear a sweater

    And all I do is work all day so I can get her more food

    Well, she eats me out of house and home

    I used to like to love her, now I leave her alone

    She’s up to 300 pounds or better

    But she was skinny when I met her


She likes barbeque, she likes roast beef too

And she keeps getting bigger but what can I do

She used to be really hot, I used to like to love her a lot

But now with 2 inches of hair and 2 inches of fat, hell, I run out of what I’ve got


   Yeah, but she was skinny when I met her

    I used to buy her lingerie but now I wish she’d wear a sweater

    And all I do is work all day so I can get her more food

    Well, she eats me out of house and home

    I used to like to love her, now I leave her alone

    She’s up to 300 pounds or better

    But she was skinny when I met her



Before Your Old Man Gets Home

(John Wheeler & Robert Jetton)

from the Hayseed Dixie album “Weapons of Grass Destruction” (2007)


    I ain’t in no hurry to wait

    I’ve been hurrying up and waiting too long

    So come on and love me right now baby

    While we’re together alone

    I ain’t in no hurry to wait

    I’ve been hurrying up and waiting too long

    So come on and love me right now baby

    Before your old man gets home


From the first night that we met you’ve kept me on the side

Now my last shred of patience just ran off with my ex-pride

You’re wrecking up my body and messing up my mind

You piss me off and turn me on all at the same damn time


    I ain’t in no hurry to wait

    I’ve been hurrying up and waiting too long

    So come on and love me right now baby

    While we’re together alone

    I ain’t in no hurry to wait

    I’ve been hurrying up and waiting too long

    So come on and love me right now baby

    Before your old man gets home


You know, I wonder how it is with him and if he feels my pain

If I was a fly on the wall I could watch you jerk his chain

Cause then at least I’d see some action, you’ve been leading me on so long

I ought to take you out the the edge of town and see if you want to walk home


    I ain’t in no hurry to wait

    I’ve been hurrying up and waiting too long

    So come on and love me right now baby

    While we’re together alone

    I ain’t in no hurry to wait

    I’ve been hurrying up and waiting too long

    So come on and love me right now baby

    Before your old man gets home


    You better come on and love me right now baby

    Before your old man gets home



The Rider Song

(John Wheeler)

from the Hayseed Dixie album “Weapons of Grass Destruction” (2007)


    We need a case of ale and a case of lager

    And just enough ice to keep it all reasonably cold

    4 monitor mixes with bi-amped wedges

    And we don’t want no excuses cause you’ve done been told


Lord knows we’ve been driving all the live long day

And the soundcheck could be so easy if you just pay attention to what we say

It’s all laid out on the stage plot just like dinner on the ground

But if you’ve still got a question, just call Dave, the guy who does our sound


    We need a case of ale and a case of lager

    And just enough ice to keep it all reasonably cold

    4 monitor mixes with bi-amped wedges

    And we don’t want no excuses cause you’ve done been told


Now this here ain’t no joke, y’all, we really do want all of that beer

See we play this show for free but you pay us for the miles we drove to get here

And we ain’t asking for those bi-amped wedges just because we’re proud

See we may be an acoustic band but we play fucking loud


    We need a case of ale and a case of lager

    And just enough ice to keep it all reasonably cold

    4 monitor mixes with bi-amped wedges

    And we don’t want no excuses cause you’ve done been told


        If you want to book the band, drop a line to our agent Paul

        If the local shops are sold out of our records, Rob Collins is the man to call

        If you want a photo pass or you’re cheap and want to be on the guest list

        Call or email Joolz, she’s our whoop-ass publicist

        Martin owns the record label and Lord that man is tight

        But if Jake gets Martin stoned enough, he might buy our dinner tonight

        Maybe - what do you think, Dave?

        (“You’re really taking the piss now, Mate.”)


    So we need a case of ale and a case of lager

    And just enough ice to keep it all reasonably cold

    4 monitor mixes with bi-amped wedges

    And we don’t want no excuses cause you’ve done been told

    Lord, we don’t want no excuses because you’ve done been told


    We need a case of ale and a case of lager



Barbeque

(John Wheeler)

from the Hayseed Dixie album “Weapons of Grass Destruction” (2007)


    Bar B-Q Bar B-Q

    There ain’t nothing I’d rather do

    Than lay around here in the bed with you

    And eat your Bar B-Q


I like pulled pork

Lord, I love making bacon

When I see a Boston Butt I can’t get enough

You’re gonna love my basting sauce

So get a firm grip on these these ribs now baby

You can lay my sausage in your bun and I can watch you gobble it up


    Bar B-Q Bar B-Q

    There ain’t nothing I’d rather do

    Than lay around here in the bed with you

    And eat your Bar B-Q


I like tender meat

Lord when it’s sweet and juicy

With a glaze of sugar curing sparkling like the dew

So make plenty of gravy baby

And we’ll spread it all over your country ham

All laid out on a bed of cornbread just like me and you


    Bar B-Q Bar B-Q

    There ain’t nothing I’d rather do

    Than lay around here in the bed with you

    And eat your Bar B-Q



Didn’t Wake Up This Morning

(John Wheeler & Eric Watkins)

from the Hayseed Dixie EP “You Wanna See Something Really Scary?” (2006)


Well I didn’t wake up this morning, didn’t get out of my bed

I didn’t wake up this morning cause Lord I showed up dead

People gonna be talking about how you done me wrong

And people gonna be wondering how when I’m dead I wrote this song


    But I’ve come back to tell you

    This one thing you’d best believe

    Hell ain’t got no fury like a woman

    When you say you’re gonna leave


Well I tried to tell her gently, tried to break it to her kind

But Lord she walked so softly when she crept up from behind

Don’t know if it was a shovel, a knife, an axe, a baseball bat

All I know is that my head, Lord, it ain’t where my body’s at no more


    But I’ve come back to tell you

    This one thing you’d best believe

    Hell ain’t got no fury like a woman

    When you say you’re gonna leave

    Hell ain’t got no fury like a woman

    When you say you’re gonna leave


So now I’m up here watching, I see her driving in my car

I see her buying my old girlfriend rounds of drinks at the bar

But when she tires of her new lover and she tried to break free

I know I’ll get to watch her end up just the same as me


    Cause I’ve come back to tell you

    This one thing you’d best believe

    Hell ain’t got no fury like a woman

    When you say you’re gonna leave

    Hell ain’t got no fury like a woman

    When you say you’re gonna leave

    Yeah hell ain’t got no fury like a woman

    When you tell her you’re gonna leave



Kirby Hill

(John Wheeler)

from the Hayseed Dixie album “A Hot Piece of Grass” (2005)


    You want to get your eyes knocked out

    You want to get your fill

    You want to get your head shot off

    Just climb up Kirby Hill


My daddy made corn whiskey up on Kirby Hill

Just like his dad before him in an old pot-bellied still

Well he never took to strangers heading up that way

When he’d hear ‘em talking ‘bout it this is what he’d say


    You want to get your eyes knocked out

    You want to get your fill

    You want to get your head shot off

    Just climb up Kirby Hill


One night some revenuers thought they’d take the old man down

They asked about the way up Kirby Hill all over town

They headed up the mountain around about half past ten

I reckon now it’s safe to say we ain’t never seeing them again


    You want to get your eyes knocked out

    You want to get your fill

    You want to get your head shot off

    Just climb up Kirby Hill


Great great grandaddy used to talk about the war between the governments

Back when old Jeff Davis and Abe Lincoln were the Presidents

He watched the armies marching up and he watched them both march by

No army never took this hill, no army dared to try


    You want to get your eyes knocked out

    You want to get your fill

    You want to get your head shot off

    Just climb up Kirby Hill


Lately up on Kirby Hill I’m planting seeds of my own

And Lord, they’ll fetch a pretty price when they’re good and grown

I’ve seen the helicopters sent by the DEA

But if they value their lives like I do my buds they’ll stay the hell away


    You want to get your eyes knocked out

    You want to get your fill

    You want to get your head shot off

    Just climb up Kirby Hill



Uncle Virgil

(John Wheeler & Don Wayne Reno)

from the Hayseed Dixie album “A Hot Piece of Grass” (2005)


Dad took us to see some family he hadn’t seen in 20 years

So we could meet em’ for the first time pick some tunes and drink some beers

We drove down to the homeplace, there was dinner on the ground

They said Old Virgil’s at the station, hear that noon train whistle sound

So we went down to the depot to pick him up and bring him back

But the train came to a screeching stop with Virgil on the track


    Uncle Virgil never came back from the station

    We’d come down to meet him on vacation

    Now I guess we’ll have to wait

    To meet him at the pearly gate

    Cause Uncle Virgil never came back from the station


So then we had to go back home and tell his poor old wife

How down there on the train track her dear Virgil lost his life

But she did not believe us, had to see with her own eyes

To this day I still can hear the horror in her cries

Old Virgil probably never knew what hit him

Though I never really met him, Lord, I never will forget him


    Uncle Virgil never came back from the station

    We’d come down to meet him on vacation

    Now I guess we’ll have to wait

    To meet him at the pearly gate

    Cause Uncle Virgil never came back from the station


    He ate a half a mile of track

    He had a cross tie through his back

    Uncle Virgil never came back from the station



Mountain Man

(John Wheeler)

from the Hayseed Dixie album “A Hot Piece of Grass” (2005)


    You wanna go where the river’s flowing liquor

    Baby I’m a mountain man

    Where the wine works fine but the herb works quicker

    Baby I’m a mountain man

    Where the fish all bite and the girls are all tight

    Don Wayne’ll pick that banjo and we’ll drink all night

    Baby I’m a mountain man

    Baby I’m a mountain man


Got nothing against where the land is flat

You gotta grow that corn somewhere then you can bring it up to where I’m at

I’ve got fifty pounds of yeast and some copper line

We can turn that corn to something Lord that sure is fine

Baby I’m a mountain man

Baby I’m a mountain man


    You wanna go where the river’s flowing liquor

    Baby I’m a mountain man

    Where the wine works fine but the herb works quicker

    Baby I’m a mountain man

    Where the fish all bite and the girls are all tight

    Don Wayne’ll pick that banjo and we’ll drink all night

    Baby I’m a mountain man

    Baby I’m a mountain man


Got nothing against nobody’s government

Yeah but taxes don’t mean nothing to me, I like to see where my money’s being spent

I’ve got my family here, I’ve got the people I love

I’ll pledge my allegiance to the Lord above

Baby I’m a mountain man

Baby I’m a mountain man


    You wanna go where the river’s flowing liquor

    Baby I’m a mountain man

    Where the wine works fine but the herb works quicker

    Baby I’m a mountain man

    Where the fish all bite and the girls are all tight

    Don Wayne’ll pick that banjo and we’ll drink all night

    Baby I’m a mountain man

    Baby I’m a mountain man



Marijuana

(John Wheeler)

from the Hayseed Dixie album “A Hot Piece of Grass” (2005)


Marijuana

Marijuana

Marijuana

Marijuana

(snicker, snicker)

Marijuana



The Moonshiner’s Daughter

(John Wheeler & Lonnie Flemmer)

from the Hayseed Dixie album “A Hot Piece of Grass” (2005)


It was a lovely day for a wedding

All her folks were dressed in black

When she said I do I said me too

With a shotgun pointed at my back


    I married the moonshiner’s daughter

    How could I go wrong

    Cause the moonshiner’s daughter cooks up corn and water

    And she makes me liquor all night long


Well the preacher was as drunk as he could get Lord

And her brothers and her dad were too of course

Her mom whispered in my ear, “If she don’t satisfy you dear

Just come on by and try you some of the source”


    I married the moonshiner’s daughter

    How could I go wrong

    Cause the moonshiner’s daughter cooks up corn and water

    And she makes me liquor all night long


Went for a honeymoon in Nashville

We got a room out on Dickerson Pike

The desk clerk asked me, he said, “How old is she?”

I said, “Man, she’s old enough to know what I like!”


    I married the moonshiner’s daughter

    How could I go wrong

    Cause the moonshiner’s daughter cooks up corn and water

    And she makes me liquor all night long



Wish I Was You

(John Wheeler, Jason Pinkowski, Andy Potocic & Chad Ihlenfeld)

from the Hayseed Dixie album “A Hot Piece of Grass” (2005)


Well I think that you’re really fucking cool

And I think that your body does rule

That’s why I wish I was you so I could fuck me me me


Yeah I know that I do kick ass in bed

And I would give my own self head

If I could be you so I could fuck me me me


    I’d like to sacrifice your persona

    On the alter of my bologna


Well I would treat me like a god

And I would worship my rod

If I could be you so I could fuck me me me


    I’d like to sacrifice your persona

    On the alter of my bologna


Yeah I think that you’re really fucking cool

And I think that your body does rule

That’s why I wish I was you so I could fuck me me me


    Yeah I would

    I would I would I would

    Yeah I would I would I would

    I’d be you so I could fuck me me me me

    Me



Corn Liquor

(John Wheeler)

from the Hayseed Dixie album “Let There Be Rockgrass” (2004)


I’ll eat when I get hungry, I’ll drink when I get dry

If the life I live don’t kill me then I guess I’ll never die

I’ll tune up my fiddle, I’ll rosin up my bow

I’ll find a girl to hold me tight anywhere I go


    Corn liquor corn liquor corn liquor’s what I cry

    If you don’t give me corn liquor boy somebody’s gonna die

    Somebody’s gonna die oh Lord

    Somebody’s gonna die


If the creek it was corn liquor and I was a big mouthed bass

I’d drink the whole thing dry and tell them all to kiss my ass

Got a guitar in my left hand, got a pistol in my right

And I don’t give a good goddamn if I play or if we fight


    Corn liquor corn liquor corn liquor’s what I yell

    If you don’t give me corn liquor boy then I’ll see you in hell

    Corn liquor corn liquor corn liquor’s what I cry

    If you don’t give me corn liquor boy somebody’s gonna die

    Somebody’s gonna die oh Lord

    Somebody’s gonna die


If I spend all my money, my money’s mine alone

And I ain’t never killed no man what he left me to my own

I’ll make my own corn liquor, I’ll grow my own smoke too

And if I drink and smoke until I can’t stand up what the hell is it to you


    Corn liquor corn liquor corn liquor’s what I yell

    If you don’t give me corn liquor boy then I’ll see you in hell

    Corn liquor corn liquor corn liquor’s what I cry

    If you don’t give me corn liquor boy somebody’s gonna die

    Somebody’s gonna die oh Lord

    Somebody’s gonna die



Ellie Schaffer

(John Wheeler & Don Wayne Reno)

from the Kerosene Brothers album “Choose Your Own Title” (2003)

and Hayseed Dixie album “Nicotine and Alcohol (2012)


    Poor Ellie Schaffer I’ll tell you how she was found

    Shot through the heart lying cold on the ground


When I first met young Ellie she was sweet like young girls are

Before she took to drinking and hanging around the bar

And Lord the men that she went through a new one every day

I just couldn’t stand to see young Ellie living that way


    Poor Ellie Schaffer I’ll tell you how she was found

    Shot through the heart lying cold on the ground


So I approached young Ellie one dark and moonless night

I said, “Come away from here with me and be my darling wife

I’ll give you love and a family and a place to lay your head”

She laughed in my face and said, “John, I’d rather be dead”


    Poor Ellie Schaffer I’ll tell you how she was found

    Shot through the heart lying cold on the ground


Her clothes were all torn off and scattered all around

Blood marked the spot where poor Ellie hit the ground

And all around the county I hear the church folk say

That’s the price young Ellie paid for living that way


    Poor Ellie Schaffer I’ll tell you how she was found

    Shot through the heart lying cold on the ground



If You Ain’t Thinking About Me

(John Wheeler)

from the Kerosene Brothers album “Choose Your Own Title” (2003)


When I took this job moving state to state

You said you loved me, you said you’d wait

Until the end of time I’d be your only one

Now I’m calling you but you’re not home

I’m thinking somebody’s taking my place when I’m gone

And there ain’t no reason you should have all the fun


    Cause I’m working on my 13th beer

    And there’s at least a dozen good looking women in here

    I’ve got to know right now how it’s gonna be

    Cause the last thing I want to do

    Is sit here alone thinking about you

    Honey if you ain’t thinking about me


Well I know about out of sight and out of mind

And I do love you but I sure ain’t blind

I’m beginning to see how you’ve been leading me on

So I’m letting your phone ring off the hook

While that blonde at the bar is giving me that look

Hell - I’m going I’m going I’m going I’m gone


    Cause I’m working on my 13th beer

    And there’s at least a dozen good looking women in here

    I’ve got to know right now how it’s gonna be

    Cause the last thing I want to do

    Is sit here alone thinking about you

    Honey if you ain’t thinking about me



Mr. Wrong

(John Wheeler)

from the Kerosene Brothers album “Choose Your Own Title” (2003)


You say you’re old enough

To be over and done with one night stands

What you’re looking for now is a lifetime man

But time’s a moving on

You’d better get your loving while you can

Because life’s what happens to you baby while you’re making other plans


    I know you’re looking for Mister Right

    But while you’re waiting for him to come along

    C’mon and spend the night

    With Mister Wrong


I won’t promise tomorrow

But if it all goes up in flames tonight

Baby you’re the one I want holding me tight

You say I ain’t your kind

Well that depends on what you have in mind

And I can tell by the pout on your lips you’ve got the appetite


    I know you’re looking for Mister Right

    But while you’re waiting for him to come along

    C’mon and spend the night

    With Mister Wrong



Last Call

(John Wheeler)

from the Kerosene Brothers album “Choose Your Own Title” (2003)


I couldn’t tell you how long I’ve been sitting here

Hell, the truth is I’ve lost track

If I could find the floor, I’d run for the door

And I swear I wouldn’t never come back

Well, I’ve spent all night just searching

For something that I ain’t found yet

And now it’s looking like you’re about as close

As I’m gonna get


    And baby you don’t look much different

    Than you did the drink before

    But since they’re giving last call it can’t hurt at all

    If I drink one more


I think you’ve told me your whole life story

I think I’ve told you some stories too

As long as you don’t ask me to repeat myself

It won’t matter which ones were true

Well, I walked in here looking for true love

But now I’m thinking maybe I over shot

Hey, when you can’t get what you want

You do with what you’ve got


    And baby you don’t look much different

    Than you did the drink before

    But since they’re giving last call it can’t hurt at all

    If I drink one more



Hellfire and Brimstone

(John Wheeler, Quentin Pulliam & James Lambert)

from the Kerosene Brothers album “Choose Your Own Title” (2003)


When you said you loved me and took me by the hand

You should have kept on talking and told me about your other man

Now you say that he’s your husband but you say that he don’t care

He may wear the pants in the family but you don’t wear no underwear


    Hellfire and brimstone is all that I can see

    Hellfire and brimstone is waiting there for me


You ask me how I know this, I’m drunk and so I’ll tell

Cause what I’ve done will surely send me to the gates of hell


    Hellfire and brimstone is all that I can see

    Hellfire and brimstone is waiting there for me


My heart could never share your love and it overtook my mind

But he never saw it coming when I crept up from behind


    Hellfire and brimstone is all that I can see

    Hellfire and brimstone is waiting there for me


Old Lucifer keeps calling me each time you speak my name

It sounds like your voice talking but I hear his just the same


    Hellfire and brimstone is all that I can see

    Hellfire and brimstone is waiting there for me



I’m Gonna Lie

(John Wheeler & Robert Jetton)

from the Kerosene Brothers album “Choose Your Own Title” (2003)


    I’m gonna say I want you

    I’m gonna say I love you

    I’m gonna say until the end of time I’ll never say goodbye

    I’m gonna say I need you

    And that I’ll never leave you

    To tell you the truth I’m gonna lie


I know you want to hold me

But I could never be held down

Tonight I’ll swear it’s true

I’m so in love with you

But tomorrow I’ll be rolling out of town


    I’m gonna say I want you

    I’m gonna say I love you

    I’m gonna say until the end of time I’ll never say goodbye

    I’m gonna say I need you

    And that I’ll never leave you

    To tell you the truth I’m gonna lie


You are just as close to heaven

As I can get tonight

So forgive me if I say

What I need to say

To keep you in my arms till the morning light


    I’m gonna say I want you

    I’m gonna say I love you

    I’m gonna say until the end of time I’ll never say goodbye

    I’m gonna say I need you

    And that I’ll never leave you

    To tell you the truth I’m gonna lie



I’m Keeping Your Poop

(John Wheeler)

from the Hayseed Dixie albums “Mountain Love” (2002) and “Let There Be Rockgrass” (2004)


    I’m keeping your poop in a jar

    Till the day you come back

    So I won’t forget just what you are

    I’m keeping your poop in a jar


You thought you took everything

But you left something behind for me

I scooped it out and bottled it up

Now it’s there on the stand by the bed to remind me

In case I ever forget

You’re just a piece of poop


    I’m keeping your poop in a jar

    Till the day you come back

    So I won’t forget just what you are

    I’m keeping your poop in a jar


I had a moment of weakness once

So I opened the lid for a smell

And it all came back to me

In one vapourous rush I remembered you well

How could I ever forget

You’re just a piece of poop


    I’m keeping your poop in a jar

    Till the day you come back

    So I won’t forget just what you are

    I’m keeping your poop in a jar

    Yeah I’m keeping your poop in a jar



The Perfect Woman

(John Wheeler & Robert Jetton)

from the Hayseed Dixie album “Mountain Love” (2002)


    She’s the perfect woman

    She won’t blow my cover when push comes to fight

    She’s the perfect woman

    And I wouldn’t take her home to mama

    But mama ain’t home tonight


I love a woman when she’s someone else’s angel

She gets up before the morning, she’s got someplace to go

And it sure feels good to know I’m out of danger

Cause she won’t tell my woman what she don’t need to know


    She’s the perfect woman

    She won’t blow my cover when push comes to fight

    She’s the perfect woman

    And I wouldn’t take her home to mama

    But mama ain’t home tonight


She needs love and I’ve got plenty to give her

But we go inch by inch, she don’t try to take a mile

And love between us flows just like a river

But we both know where the dam is, it can only last a while


    She’s the perfect woman

    She won’t blow my cover when push comes to fight

    She’s the perfect woman

    And I wouldn’t take her home to mama

    But mama ain’t home tonight